Chap. 197 The Decision

 

Chap. 197 Decision

I wonder if I looked like that K'ndar said to Raventh.

Like what?

Like I was about to pass out from fear.

Afraid of an egg? Raventh snickered.

You laugh! But you were all nice and comfy in your egg. I was barefoot on those hot sands and was afraid I wouldn't impress.

Sitting in the gallery in the Queen's hatching chamber, K'ndar looked over the group of Candidates lining the hatching sands in a semi-circle. Behind them were their mentors and aides, the mentors holding platters of raw meat and the aides with tubs of oil for the soon to be emerging dragonets.

B'rant, the Weyrlingmaster, moved among them, encouraging some, patting others on the shoulder.

Behind them all were M'rvin and Siena, their weyrleaders.

The Candidates, barefoot and clad in plain white robes, looked uncomfortable and anxious. They unconsciously shifted from foot to foot. The sands were hot. K'ndar still couldn't understand why they weren't allowed to wear shoes. It had 'always been done that way," he'd heard more than once. It made no sense other than the eggs needed that heat to mature.

For over a thousand years, no candidate had even been allowed to see the eggs until just before hatching. That led to appalling injuries and once in a while, even an accidental death, from a ravenous and virtually mindless dragnet mauling a terrified teen. But, when there was only one weyr of dragons left after a long Interval, Benden's leaders decided to break with tradition by allowing Candidates to touch and become accustomed to the eggs long before they hatched.

He reflected on how just being among the eggs had gone a long way towards easing his fears when he was a Candidate. Still-why no shoes? Hmmm. Maybe having the barefoot Candidates on the just-below-injury temperature hot sands was to keep them from fainting in fear.

Despite their mentors and B'rant, the Weyrlingmasters' calming presence, the Candidates all looked terrified.

Mirth, the weyr's queen dragon, was curled up like a great cat, her head almost reaching the ceiling of the cavern. A single ray of sunlight pouring in from overhead turned the queen a molten gold and her eggs iridescent. Her eyes were a pensive orange as she regarded the candidates.

All of the weyr's dragons, save those on watch duty, were perched on the plateau of the weyr, overlooking the hatching cavern. Many were on their weyr ledges. They were humming, audibly, and, far too low in register for human ears, crooning subsonicly. K'ndar could feel the subsonics in his bones.

You're singing to the eggs, aren't you?

Yes. It's to tell the dragonets that it's safe to hatch, time to come out and meet your weyrmate. And it's fun. We are all happy that soon there will be more dragons Raventh said.

He was amazed all over again at how big queens got. Mirth was from the clutch just before Raventh's. She had never reached the size of Elanath, Raven's dam. He remembered how big Elenath had been. Even so, he thought, I'm glad I'm not a girl, it takes all day to oil a queen.

Or a bronze. Good thing I'm a brown!

It IS. The best of all Pern!

Mirth's sole queen egg was just ahead of her forefeet. She looked at the girls among the Candidates with what seemed to be disdain.

Mirth says none of the girls are worthy.

Does she realize what happens if NO one impresses the queen egg?

Of course. Don't worry. All queen dragons think that about their eggs.

"I wonder if I looked like that," he repeated, this time aloud.

"Like what?" said C'val. The blue rider was sitting next to K'ndar. Sinala, his partner sat on his other side.

"Like a wherry who sees a flight of dragons?" she said.

"More like a wherry about to go down a dragon's throat," K'ndar said.

The two nodded in agreement.

"I know that's how I felt when I first saw the eggs. I got used to it, I guess, when B'rant allowed us to move among them and touch them. But it was an entirely different thing when you saw them rocking," said Sinala. "That's when I knew there was something inside that might just ignore me. I knew I'd be passed over. I just knew it," she sighed.

"But Sinith knew better, didn't she?" C'val said, hugging his partner. "I remember when you both were in that self same spot as those on the sands. You both looked as if you felt you had no business being there," he said.

"Exactly!" K'ndar said.

C'val smiled. "I knew better. My Rastabenth hasn't been wrong yet, not about Candidates, not on Search. He knows," C'val said.

"I was afraid. I was afraid of not Impressing, I was afraid of Impressing! Isn't that odd?" K'ndar said, a bit too loudly. Someone turned around to face him, shushing him.

K'ndar resented it for a moment, as he could easily hear the entire audience was talking. But, he had to admit, in softer voices. He forcibly lowered his volume.

I didn't know what the world was like, I'd been in the egg. I remember how bright the world was Raventh said. I'm glad we Impressed

K'ndar smiled. I am, too. I can't imagine a life without you.

"You aren't mentoring, this time?" he asked C'val.

"No, my friend. B'rant chooses mentors based on the personalities of the Candidate. It's not always the Searcher who actually finds the candidate. You were unusual in that I was not only your Searcher, but assigned as your mentor as well. B'rant is a shrewd judge of character," the blue rider said.

K'ndar nodded. "I'm glad he did. I trusted you, you were always willing to steer me right."

C'val nodded in thanks. "You were easy, K'ndar. Easy. I never had a bit of trouble from you. Not like J'rath, who mentored F'mart. That boy! Whew, he was a handful."

"Not just with J'rath, C'val, F'mart was a pain in the arse to everyone," Sinala said. "I loathed him, the only one of my classmates that I literally despised. He was a bully," she said.

"And yet, look, he's down there in front of us, on the front row, with Harve. That boy you rescued, K'ndar? From everything I've seen, F'mart has changed. A lot. Who would have thought F'mart had the maturity to actually serve as a foster?" C'val said.

"Officially?" K'ndar asked. Now that Sinala had pointed them out, he could see the back of F'mart and Harve's heads. He was certain F'mart had insisted on the boy witnessing a hatching. Of course, virtually every dragonrider of the weyr was here. It was fairly common knowledge that the dragons believed Harve would be a dragonrider when he came of Candidate age.

Sinala nodded. "Pretty much 'officially'. The boy follows F'mart wherever he goes. It's changed them both. For the better, in F'mart's case."

"No doubt," K'ndar said.

I hadn't recognized the boy, he thought, he's put on weight, gotten taller and kept his hair short. I still remember how long his hair was when we rescued him. Harve had gone years without a haircut.

Or a bath. He stunk. Why didn't he bathe in the sea?

Probably because his legs were chained. That, and it's how a monster such as Shipfish controls another person. It's how to keep someone obedient. You take away necessary things, pleasurable things, like bathing, as a way of controlling someone else's mind. You only allow them such a thing as a 'reward' for tolerating the monster's abuse. Harve's mind was chained just a securely as his legs.

How do you know this?

Look into my mind and see my sire. He was cruel. He would beat me. He blamed me and my brothers for everything that he did wrong.  He kept things from me in order to keep me obedient. I hated him. I was unhappy.

You're happy, now.

I am. In all ways.

"I don't believe any dragonrider on Pern will ever forget the day they Impressed," Sinala said, musing on her own experience. "Sinith was, oh what am I saying, Sinith IS the most beautiful dragon on Pern," she sighed.

"Other than Raventh," K'ndar responded, playing the old game that all dragonriders did at one time or another.

"Ssssssh," said the woman in front of K'ndar, turning to shush them again. The three dragonriders looked bemused, but obeyed.

The eggs began to rock. The subsonic crooning from the expectant dragons increased in intensity, thrumming his bones. Their audible humming had a soporific effect, except on the nervous Candidates. He felt the familiar hazy feeling. It was a comforting sound, like that of a cats purr, making him feel as if he was safe in his bunk, about to fall asleep. How could you fear anything, when an entire weyr of dragons was watching over your birth?

A loud 'crack' announced the beginning of the Hatch.

________________________________________________________________________

He woke as if from a dreamy half sleep, as the dragon's 'singing' had stopped. Mirth roused herself and shuffled out the cavern entrance.

The sands were littered with broken egg shells. The new Weyrlings were slowly being herded off the sands, stuffing their damp, wobbling dragonets with meat and exalting in the incredible feeling of impression.

The clapping and cheering had subsided, and the audience of weyrfolk and visiting families began to make its way out of the gallery.

"Coming to the feast, K'ndar?" C'val asked.

"Shortly," K'ndar said, unable to tear his eyes from the sands. The floor of the cavern was littered with broken shells-and some broken hearts. Half a dozen candidates were left, dragonless.

It's like the end of a horse race, K'ndar thought, the winner taking a victory lap and the losers heading back to their stable for a bath and a good feed. It's all over so fast, too soon, after months of preparation and expectation. And now, as if it never happened, everyone who's not actively assisting the Weyrlings will head to the dining hall for Hariko's not to be missed celebratory feasts.

Leaving behind the unchosen.

Their mentors standing quietly behind them, some of the candidates stood frozen in disbelief. Their arms hanging by their sides, they had even stopped shifting their feet, unable to comprehend the concept of rejection.

One boy began to check under each large segment of egg shell, as if hoping that somehow, a dragonet was hiding underneath. A girl began to weep softly, the awful feeling that she'd not Impressed beginning to clear the fog in her brain.

The visiting families of the unimpressed candidates were silent and morose. Save for one, a little girl, who plaintively asked,"why is he still there, where is his dragon?"

The candidates mentors gently and sympathetically shepherded them off the sands. Siena, their Weyrwoman, was waiting. She spoke gently to each unchosen candidate. It was always a painful thing to not Impress.

"I'm sorry you didn't impress, but it happens. Many of our dragonriders didn't impress the first time. I didn't impress until my third hatching," K'ndar heard her say. "You're still considered a candidate, and you are welcome to stay here at the weyr till the next clutch."

He knew that, had he not Impressed, her words would have not eased the emotional upheaval he undoubtedly would have felt, no matter how heartfelt they were.

F'mart and Harve had made no move to leave.

The boy had grown so tall as to meet him eye to eye. He smiled and said, "Hello, K'ndar!"

"Hello, Harve! F'mart, I hear your Harve's foster?" K'ndar said.

The bronze rider grinned. "Who would have thought, what? But aye, he's in with me. I wanted him to witness a hatching, seeing as to how, in, what, two years? he'll be old enough to impress," F'mart said.

The boy shook his head, as if chasing off an annoying insect.

"I wouldn't worry if I were you, Harve," F'mart said. "Kenth and other dragons are insisting you'll make a great dragonrider."

"Ummmmmmmmm," Harve said, looking uncomfortable, "I'm not so sure."

"Nonsense, lad, I'm certain of it," F'mart said. "You'll impress a bronze, sure as the sunrise."

Siena approached them. They paid their respects to her.

"You're 14, yes?" she asked the boy. "In two years, I'll be seeing you on the sands, I hope!" she said, brightly.

Harve paused, and K'ndar could see he had made a momentous decision.Here it comes, he thought.

"Begging your pardon, ma'am, but...no."

The three dragonriders looked at the boy, stunned.

"Meaning?" Siena said after several moments.

Harve cleared his throat, nervously.

"Ma'am, I was so very lucky have been rescued by K'ndar, and F'mart. And B'rost and D'mitran. My life on the island was not living, it was surviving. It was worse than being dead. I swear I thought of committing suicide, thinking I'd never be free. Coming here, and with F'mart helping me every day, every day! was like being, well, hatched. Or being reborn? Before the shipwreck, all I knew was fishing and being a seaman. Here, I've been in school, I've learned so much! This was all so new, so different," he said. "For a long time I was afraid that someone would say, he's not weyrbred, chase him off."

The three began to protest, but he cut them off.

"I know! I know now, that you'd never do that," he said. He heaved a great sigh.

"I don't know the words, but if it hadn't been for F'mart, taking me in like I was a brother, I don't know what I would have done. You all, here at Kahrain Steppe, have become like family to me. A second family," he said, and his face twisted for just a moment.

F'mart looked serious. "Harve, you ARE my brother. Blood doesn't matter here," he said. He was beginning to see what Siena and K'ndar already had picked up.

"We are happy you're here, Harve. You are one of us, you have a home here. I am certain that when you're of age, you'll impress a dragon, don't you worry," Siena said.

Harve shook his head again.

"That's just it, ma'am. I don't...I don't know how to say this but I have a feeling I will never impress. Especially after seeing this hatching. It's not because of anything or anybody here, at Kahrain. I have friends here, I got better, the healers! They gave me my legs back. I can run like anybody, now. I'm strong. I'm happy. But ma'am, I think that I want to go back to Nerat. F'mart told me he immediately informed Nerat's Lord Holder that I was alive. But I don't know whether I still have family there. Is my grandmum still alive? Maybe some are there who will remember my mum and dad? My ship, the We're Here? Everyone knew her. They knew us, her crew, they knew ME," he said, almost in protest.

The three riders were speechless.

"I've been thinking about this a long time. I think I want to go ...'home', this is home, yes, but my home port is Nerat. Is that..is that wrong? I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I'm not! I don't know how much longer Shipfish would have let me live. He was a murderer and I wish him nothing but pain and suffering, like he did to my family," he said. "You all saved my life. F'mart returned my will to live. Everyone here has been so good to me, so kind. I think Hariko tried to stuff me to my ears. Every time she sees me it's "eat laddie eat, I can still see your ribs!!"" he said, mimicking their headwoman.

They laughed. He'd nailed Hariko perfectly.

F'mart suddenly sobered. Harve? Leave? How is it I grew to love this kid? Me? Footloose F'mart?

"Harve..."

No his bronze, Kenth said, his mind is made up. Let him fly.

The boy looked at F'mart, the man who'd brought him back from the abyss. He rubbed away the tears that had, unbidden, filled his eyes.

"I'm...F'mart, I'm sorry. It's not you. No! But I have this thing in my head, that keeps saying, come home, Harve, come home. I...want to."

Their hearts were breaking.

He is right, I think. The Searchers all tagged him as a rider. But there is no forcing an Impression. My hatchlings just know who is right for them. If it's meant for him to be a dragonrider, he'll return. For now, I think he should go back to where he was hatched Mirth said to her rider.

I hate to lose him. He's proven such an asset. The lad takes on anything given him, does it right and does it with a grin. That, and all the little girls are just crazy about him.

Mirth laughed. He'll be back. He's a dragonrider. He just has to come to it on his own wings.

Siena made a mental shrug, accepting the inevitable.

"Harve, you left your chains on the beach of that island. No one holds you here," she said, "I can understand your feelings, I was ship bred, too. Let any of my dragonriders know when you want to go home, and you will be on your way," she said. "But I want you to remember this: you will always be welcome here, no matter who is Weyrleader. I promise."

"Me, too," K'ndar and F'mart chimed.