Chap. 144 Life Lesson

Chap. 144 Life Lesson

"Hi, K'ndar. Some klah? Hungry?" Shirae, his sister's foster mother, asked.

He nodded, only half paying attention. She poured two mugs and had him sit at the ancient wooden table in her kitchen. He told her about Greta leaving without notice.

"I'm pissed, if you can imagine," he said. The girls..his sister and two others, were in school, so he could speak without worrying about being overheard. "Greta just…taking off like that without so much as a 'bye'. Now I have to explain something I don't get myself to Glyena."

Shirae nodded.

"I feel the same way, K'ndar. Glyena is a good kid. She works hard, she's honest. She's not perfect, mind you: she can be opinionated and a bit mouthy, and the other girls say she can be bossy. But in general, she's a good kid. Does her chores, does her schoolwork, stays out of trouble for the most part. If she's not here, she's at the barn, riding Jordan. Did you know Jordan is the smartest, fastest, prettiest, best horse in the Whole World?"

He laughed. "Aye, I do, he was, after all, my horse at first," he said.

"He's a very important part of her life, K'ndar. And so are you. She's proud of you, she thinks the world of you." 

She put a platter of meat rolls in front of him and sat down at the table. K'ndar noticed it was covered in carved names and dates. He idly traced them with his fingers.

"What upsets me," he said, "is that Greta took advantage of her, and me. How can you run out of honoring a promise? Never mind paying for a harness. She just takes off, never to return?"

Shirae held up a cautionary finger.

"We don't know that yet, K'ndar. Ruatha's Gather is next weekend. Do you know for a fact that Greta is gone for good?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't. I guess I'm jumping to conclusions."

"I agree. She could come back, at the last moment, which is rude, I guess, but if it satisfies the promise, it satisfies the commitment. Rather than upset your sister for an entire week, let's just see what Greta does. We'll have plenty of time to help Glyena with the disappointment after the fact, if Greta doesn't show up."

He nodded his head, then shook it. 

"Okay. That's fair, I suppose. But still, how is it going to look to Glyena? That's what keeps digging into me, how it makes her feel."

"I know. You want to protect her from hurt. Well, K'ndar, you can't. If Greta does, indeed, renege on her promise, it's says that Greta is not an honorable person.  It by no means reflects anything on you. People make promises, all the time, then turn right around and break them. You want to keep Glyena from feeling pain, but she, like all of us had to, is going to have to learn to deal with disappointments. I'm not saying it's right, but, you know as well as I do, there are dishonest people out there, people who hurt others, who are too evil, too thick, or too selfish, to think of what their actions do to others. 

Glyena's a tough kid. Your father was hard on her, as I'm sure he was on you. So she's got a tough outer layer, just like you. She's done a LOT of healing, a lot of balancing and coming to terms with the abuse Hanliss handed her, and that will stand her in good stead. Still, we …you and I, my weyrmate, and my other two fosters, even her Mum at home, we'll be here to help her. And, I have to add, she's a lot stronger than you give her credit for. Or at least, more than my other girls. Those two never had to deal with an abusive father," she said.

K'ndar took a meat roll. 

"This is very good, ma'am, thank you," he said. He took a few moments to savor it. 

"Should I-well, let's say Greta doesn't return. Or, the thought just hit me, maybe she lied to Glyena about the family member at Ruatha wanting her to ride. It does sound farfetched. How do we deal with that? I mean, I'm willing to pay her for the dragon harness, make Glyena whole, but I don't know if I should pretend that it came from Greta and she just couldn't do the horse race thing, or…what?" 

"Don't lie for Greta. Never, ever. If you want to pay Glyena for the harness, she needs to know it's from YOU BECAUSE of Greta's actions. That is a good lesson in and of itself, but she can't be led to believe that Greta took an alternate solution-that of paying rather than a horse to ride at Ruatha's races-to a problem she caused, IF she doesn't actually pay or follow through. Don't make excuses for Greta. And, let's just wait and see."

K'ndar stood up. Then sat back down.

"The other part of it is, what her leaving like this, what it portrays ME as."

"Meaning?"

"I want to think that the reason Glyena was so willing to build a harness for Greta is because of ME. She trusted my judgement. In this case, I might be proven wrong. That hurts me, because it hurts her," he said, getting riled again.

"I can see that. And understand it. You were, okay, let's say Greta IS gone for good. It means you misjudged her, nothing more. You vouched for her character based on what you knew of her at the time. You had no idea she was capable of something like this. For that matter, maybe she didn't, either. Maybe she truly expected to honor her promise.

Her leaving has hurt a girl who trusted her because of her brother's trust. Her brother-you-were working on knowledge of Greta that you had gained while working with her in a situation different than what we have here.  In other words, you had just a limited amount of experience with Greta to go on. 

You didn't, and still don't, have enough information based on….welllllll, let's put it this way. Both you and Glyena are horsemen. Let's say you have a horse, you've had him for years. For you, he's been the ultimately trustworthy horse. You've both learned what to expect from the other. You're able to deal with reactions he will demonstrate in a new environment or a novel situation because of your experience with him. 

Now you give that horse to a little girl, who isn't old enough, or experienced enough with horses to know what one will do in a novel situation or a new environment.  The little girl, with less experience, and with a new horse, won't have that empirical knowledge, and the horse might spook and throw her off.

You will probably feel guilty because a little girl was hurt, unintentionally and indirectly, by an action of yours. You assumed that the girl could handle the horse like you did. You will feel responsible for the horse's actions, even though you can't possibly be held responsible, because the horse has a brain and a will, just like you. Will the girl, though, think you're responsible? Or that you misled her? 

"That's it. That's what I don't want…I don't want Glyena thinking the less of me because of what Greta did..or will have done."

"Right. I'm not saying that Greta should be given the benefit of the doubt that we give to a horse…but that's what happened here. Of COURSE you feel responsible. I'd think less of you if you didn't. But, the old saying goes, we're putting the dragon ahead of the thread.  Let us wait and see, for now. And, let's say, Greta doesn't show up to honor her promise. You still can take your sister to the races at Ruatha. She doesn't need Greta, and I can promise you, Glyena will be thrilled to go on a date to the races! with her Big Brother."

"A date! I like that idea! Of course I'll take her, it will be fun, even if she doesn't ride."

 He stood up. "Thank you. Thank you, for helping, and for …well, for being a second mum to my sister. And…maybe me."

Shirae smiled.  

__________________________________________________________________________

He had just passed the first level administration offices when a drudge came up to him.

"Sir, you're K'ndar, yes?" the man said.

"Yes, I am."

"Sir, Hariko asked us to keep an eye out for you, she wants to see you."

"Oh, okay," he said, wondering.

"I'll show you in to her office," he said. 

Hariko was, as always, on her feet in front of an array of slate boards. Her Boards, as everyone knew, were the nexus of the intricate workings of the weyr. No one had permission to alter a thing on them unless she gave direct orders. Even the Weyrleaders didn't have the courage to mess with Hariko's boards. Nor did they want to. They were the visible signs of Hariko's mind, a a reflection of how she ran her ship, the Weyr. It ran well. 

"Hariko, ma'am, K'ndar reporting as requested," he said, coming to attention. 

The headwoman turned and smiled.

"Oh, go on, you daft wherry, what's with the formality?" she said.

K'ndar smiled. "Ma'am, I hold you in utmost respect. Without you, this weyr would collapse into ruin. That, and I'd lose weight. I did at Tillek Sea Hold. I almost starved to death. I am SO glad to be back here where the weyrs are warm and clean, and the food is the best."

"Aye, that's so," a voice said behind them.

He turned to see Siena, the Weyrwoman.

Hariko dropped her eyes. "Nay, you're just saying that to be kind," she said.

"Don't be so humble, my lady," Siena said, "you are the keystone of Kahrain Steppe Weyr."

"Thank you," Hariko said.

They all looked happily at each other for a moment. Then the drudge said, "I'll be getting on my way, then, sir," and left. 

"Hariko, I need to get with you about a situation in the western weyr complex," Siena began.

"Just one moment, my lady, I have something for K'ndar."

Hariko moved to her desk.

"K'ndar, when my staff cleaned up the guest weyr, we found that Greta? Yes, Greta, she had something of yours, she left it in the weyr, with this note."

"Something of mine? I don't remember…."

She handed the bundle to K'ndar. He felt the heft of it. He knew immediately what it was,

and in a flash, why.

The note was on a scrap of hide.

It said, "Give to K'ndar".

Both women looked at him in curiosity.

He opened the bundle up, just enough to see another note, again on a scrap of hide.

Pulling it out, he read it.

And sighed in resignation.

The women's faces were a mix of wanting to know what it said, and knowing it wasn't polite to pry.

He looked at them. Somehow he had the words to satisfy their curiosity.

"Greta's not coming back. This is just something I'd forgotten I'd lent her."

They nodded. 

"Thank you, Hariko," he said, and then, paying his respects to her and his Weyrwoman, left.

He waited until he was in the privacy of his weyr to re-read the whole note.

It was brief.

"K'ndar. Tell Glyena, sorry. Can't take her to the races. This is for the harness. Greta"

He opened the bag completely.

It held a large rough opal.

_______________________________________________________________________

After hugging K'ndar and telling him all about her day in school and how Jordan was so wonderful, Shirae and K'ndar had Glyena sit down at the table.

She popped a meat roll in her mouth.

K'ndar looked at Shirae, who nodded imperceptibly. He took a deep breath.

"Glyena, I have some bad news for you, and some good news. Which do you want first?"

She chewed thoughtfully for a moment, then said, "The bad news."

"Okay. The bad news is, Greta left the weyr. Remember, she promised to take you to ride at the Ruatha gather's horse races in payment for the harness."

"Uh huh," Glyena said, still chewing.

"Well, she's gone. She left without telling anyone other than Flight Ops, and I have a note from her saying that she's 'sorry, but she's not going to take you to the races," he said, hoping it didn't sound like he was rushing it, "It means, no horse racing at Ruatha," he said.

"Uh huh," she said.

Her calmness perplexed the adults.

"Just…uh huh? Do you understand?" K'ndar said, puzzled at her reaction.

"She just left. With B'rost," Glyena said, matter of factly.

"Yes. She broke a promise to you," he said.

"I know."

"You…know? And you're not angry?" K'ndar said, floundering.

"I was mad at first. I knew she broke her promise when I heard she'd left the weyr. After I gave her the harness," Glyena said.

"Wha…what...how did you know?"

Glyena reached for another meat roll.

"Nyala tol' me. I was digging through the used tack bin for leather to use and Nyala asked me what for and I told her what Greta promised and Nyala said she knows all the staff at Ruatha because we're horse people and horse people talk to each other. She said no one never came from Ruatha to look at horses here or at the Hold."

"No one 'ever'," Shirae corrected, out of habit. 

"No one ever from Ruatha. But she said let me find out from my friends at Ruatha before I say such things I might be wrong about her because she said she's been wrong before and let her check, but go ahead and make the harness because I made a promise to Greta on good faith and dragonriders  are honest. 

So later on she tol' me she sent a message with my friends fire lizard to Ruatha because now we can do that after the kids got their lizards trained and her friends at  Ruatha said no one has a sister there named Greta who rides a green dragon. So that's how we knew Greta had lied. But I'd given her the harness by then, I'd made it and didn't want my work go to waste, 'specially after cutting the leather to fit her dragon," she said, "and Nyala said, don't let this turn you angry, this is her to blame not no one else."

"Anyone else," Shirae said, then forced herself to keep from laughing at her efforts to correct grammar. Oh, Nyala, what a  wise woman you are.

"And….and you're not upset? After the work you did on the harness?"

"That's okay. First it was a horse harness that Nyala found for me, it was good leather for used, but not what I'd use for, say you. And then Nyala said not to worry, she would pay for the harness, because …well because. She was mad at Greta and said, don't never, I mean don't ever, trust that girl again."

Gratefulness and relief swelled K'ndar's and Shirae's hearts.

"So, did Nyala pay for the harness?" Shirae asked.

"Uh huh," Glyena said through a mouthful of meatroll. She covered her mouth at a stern look from Shirae, who didn't have to say 'don't talk while chewing your food'. 

Nyala, you love, I will reimburse you whatever it is you paid. Tonight. I have the money, K'ndar thought.

Shirae felt the same as K'ndar did about the weyr's masterherder. I will go and pay Nyala, she thought, today. What a darling, what a grand soul she is.

"How much?" she asked.

They waited til Glyena had swallowed her mouthful.

"Two marks," she said. She turned and dug around in her backpack. "See, it's right here," she said, pulling out the mark coins. Shirae was shocked. 

"Glyena, you don't have to carry it around! We have a lockbox for you, you can keep it in there," she said, "You know we have a box for everyone in the family and only you have the key for yours. You needn't carry it around in your backpack."

"It's okay, ma'am, no one knows I have it 'cept Nyala and now you and 'sides, no one is going to steal it, 'specially here in my home," the girl said. 

K'ndar laughed, and gave her a hug.

"Still, sis, you should probably lock it up, okay?"

"Okay." 

K'ndar stood up, relieved, then remembered the rough opal. He didn't know how much the opal would bring, but he did have two marks, and if the opal brought more than that, well, it would go to Glyena.

"I do have to tell you this, though-Greta DID pay. She left payment with me. She left it with Hariko who gave it to me about an hour ago. So, after I leave here, I am going to go and reimburse Nyala," he said. 

Shirae felt relief, too. Two marks was a lot of money. "So, Glyena, Greta, while she broke her promise to you, she still did pay for your work. That's a little better…but do like Nyala said. Don't let this be about you. It's Greta's character flaw." 

"I know. I won't. I didn't never, I mean ever, think it was my fault," she said, confidently. Then she asked, "Is that all the bad news?" 

"Yes," K'ndar said.

"So what's the good news?"

He put an arm around her, and with the other, pointed skyward with a dramatic flourish.

"The good news, little lady, is that a brown dragon rider would like to take his best girl on a date. To Ruatha, to see the horse races and go through the Gather. Can you guess who that dragonrider might be?"

Glyena grinned and bear hugged him. "My Big Brother!"

"Aye, that lucky man!"

"On Raventh?"

"On Raventh. With Siskin. And ME-so what do you say, pretty lady, is it a date?"

"Yes yes yes! Maybe I can find something to buy there!" Glyena said.

She began to dance in the kitchen.

Shirae looked at K'ndar with a 'told you so' look and winked. "Tough kid," she said.

Chap. 137 Confined to boring quarters

Chap. 137 Confined to boring quarters

I never realized how boring it can be when no one is here, he thought. 

He was amazed at how empty the weyr seemed. Not that it was totally unpeopled. The operations of everyday life remained: the cooks were still at work, livestock still needed feeding and mucking out, small children were still being cared for, those who were ill or injured were, like him, in their weyrs and their caregivers with them. The few remaining Oldtimers were sitting in the warm sun on the beach, swapping stories. 

But the vast majority of the weyrfolk were at Singing Waters Hold, harvesting. 

K'ndar, though, was "confined to quarters". It was far more tedious than he would have expected. 

Maybe if I were really sick, he thought, I can understand, but all I've got is a hurt nose. 

Once he'd awakened from the fellis juice, Billek had told him he would not be working today.

"I let M'rvin know that I've grounded you, at least for today," the healer said.

"If I flew, would something bad happen to me?" K'ndar asked, as he got up from the bunk in the clinic.

"I've never heard of it something bad happening," he'd said, "but then, before today, the only broken noses I've treated have been on us groundpounders. I have no idea how the blood vessels in your nose-you bled pretty copiously-would respond to going between or reaching altitude on your dragon. So, erring on the side of caution, I'd like for you to stay home, no riding  today. Do you need some more fellis? Your nose will probably start to hurt once it wears off," Billek said.

"No, please, I don't know what is in fellis, but it made me feel so strange, almost sick to my stomach," K'ndar said.

"Aye, it's powerful stuff, it is, and you seem to be overly sensitive to it. I wish I'd known, I'd not have given you as big a dose, but I had no idea you'd never had it before. Now I do. But here, take some numbweed, it might do the trick if it starts to hurt too badly," Billek said.

 He handed K'ndar a small jar. "Remember, I want to see you tomorrow morning. I will judge, then, if it's safe for you to ride," he said. 

"Yes, sir. Thank you for fixing my nose," K'ndar said.

Billek grinned. "You're welcome. That was an easy fix. I'm betting my boots I'll have at least one knife injury come in and I'm SURE to have heat injuries, just like yesterday," he said, ruefully. "For a weyr that experiences hot weather in the summer, most people still don't understand they need to drink water. A LOT. Klah doesn't do the job of keeping people hydrated, never mind anything alcoholic!" he said, shaking his head. 

But, he realized, it kept him busy and at a weyr he had learned to love. I'd rather be here fixing broken noses than back at Healer Hall, with a doctor hovering over my shoulder picking at my every action with criticism rather than advice.

So K'ndar had returned to his weyr, his unexpected exemption from having to throw 40+kilogram hay bales up over his head most welcome, if leaving him feeling a bit guilty. It would give him time to catch up on transcribing his field notebooks. 

Siskin was overjoyed to have him home. He burbled and wheeped for several minutes, fussing over K'ndar like a mother cat who'd located a lost kitten.

He was very upset. He cried  when you were sleeping. He didn't want to stay here with me. 

He scratched the blue fire lizard's head. "It's okay, now, Siskin, I know you were trying to protect me. Good lad, you are such a good boy."

I was worried too. Rath told me B'rost was in M'rvin's office. 

Hmmm. He felt a bit of schadenfreude. Standing around 'fanning a worker'? My arse, he thought.  Guess B'rost will get a taste of some bitter medicine. But WHY was he so angry?

He had a meeting with the Weyrleader?

That is what I know. I didn’t hear the conversation and I was listening to you.

Good. Called on his actions by the Weyrleader. That wouldn't go easy…M'rvin was a fair man,  but he wasn't one to let a miscreant get away with things like punching someone in the nose for no reason. 

Do you know why he hit me?

Raventh pinged Corvuth.

He is…jealous? I don't know what jealous means.

It means, when you see..um, when ..well, for instance, if a dragon you know has killed a bigger beast than you, and you are angry because it wasn't you who got it. 

But you still have a beast, right? If you're still hungry, you get another

It's very complicated. In humans, it can be um..let's say a woman loves me, and some other man is angry because he wants her to love him, so he gets mad at ME. That's jealousy.

That's confusing. This is what confuses dragons more than anything, you humans and all your feelings, so many all at once. How can you feel so many feelings at the same time? So many of them are opposite from the other. Sometimes we just want to stop your mind talk when you're feeling feelings. 

The word for feelings is 'emotions'. 

Emotions. So many of your emotions are like wherries fighting each other. You love and hate another human at the same time. Doesn't that hurt your brain?

Sometimes it does. Most of the time it does. It confuses us, too. But we can't stop it. 

I am glad I am a dragon with one emotion at a time. Sometimes humans have so many emotions in their minds we don't know what to say or do. Your emotions are like prey when we go hunting…they run in every direction and sometimes into each other. Which one do we listen to?

I'm sorry. I don't know how to advise you. Do I do that, confuse you?

Sometimes. Today. When you were asleep in that office, your mind was shouting. I've never heard it do that before. You had pictures, you call it dreaming? but it wasn't like your normal sleep. I don't know how you do that, either. How do you sleep with your brain not listening, like you are dead?  Dragons always have one half of their brain awake.

You don't dream?

We dream. But it's not like yours. It's…hunting. Eating. Mating. Flying, going between, being scratched. I need a scratch between my wings.

Siskin yeeped and immediately flew to a spot between Raventh's wings, where he began to scratch.

Yes, that's the spot. I am so glad we have Siskin

I am, too.

Once he'd finished transcribing his notes, he gave his weyr a good cleaning, airing out his bedding and knocking down insect webs. How did it get so messy when no one had been in it? 

His bookshelf was thick with dust.  He made the mistake of dusting it.

The resulting cloud made him sneeze. Disastrously.

Once the agony lessened, he tried to put a bandana around his nose, but it was too sore to bear any pressure. He wondered if his flight goggles would hurt it. He tried them on.

Oh, shards, yes. 

He was very careful in the rest of his cleaning. Now that he saw the dust, it annoyed him that he couldn't sweep it out without possibly inciting another sneeze.

Shards. Fine. I'll go get something to eat. Didn't get much breakfast this morning. Surely being grounded doesn't mean I can't eat in the dining hall, he thought.

Just as he was leaving his weyr, the sunlight came streaming in past Raventh's couch and lit up the bookshelf…and the rough opals serving as bookends.

Something told him to hide them.

He had no fear of them being stolen. People didn't routinely enter other people's weyrs without being invited. Even children knew better.

But there were people, like Jenmay, the rogue Oldtimer who'd managed to kill off their Weyrwoman in order to take her place. Once in that position, she'd rampaged throughout the weyr, rooting out anything 'modern' or inspired by Aivas. 

She'd barged into his quarters, uninvited, convinced he was hiding 'contraband', although she hadn't known it was books.

 He'd had just four, then, and had stuffed them into his shirt. She hadn't dared to search him bodily. Had she found them…the least thing she would have done would be to destroy them. 

But her intent had been to find something to justify exiling him, sent to some remote spot wherever she sent her other 'enemies'. Oh, wonderful hurricane, how such a destructive storm can still bring relief from a greater evil.  True, it had destroyed some things, but things that could be repaired or rebuilt. It had also destroyed her. No. She had allowed it to destroy her.

 He shivered at her memory.

She was a very bad human. She made her Jianath sad, all the time. I never knew a dragon could feel so much heart pain.

I know.

He didn't have to worry about that, not now, and hopefully, never again. His books were safe. But there were the opals. Despite being set in stony matrix, they still shone bright and beautifully. 

He took them off the shelf and holding them for a moment, wondered where to put them. Ah.

 Like most quarters, the walls of his weyr had cubbys carved into the rock, serving as storage space. He shoved the four rocks behind his clothing in the highest one. Out of sight meant out of mind.

The sunshine lit up his entire weyr. He missed his beach weyr but had to admit that he loved this one, too, especially on lovely days such as this. He had a view of the ocean, which, when the sun was rising, woke him with its light. Wairiki Rock, an island just off shore, served as home for hundreds of seabirds and wherries.

At night, he would sit out on the second level ledge between Raventh's forelegs and stargaze without bugs bothering him. Stargazing in the winter, Raventh's chest served as a warm backrest, allowing him to feel the dragon's slow, strong heartbeat.

Yes, I love this place. 

He was hungry, but he still had to stop and admire his two pets. The sunshine lit them both up, Raventh's chocolate brown hide gleaming with hints of bronze. And Siskin! He was a blue fire lizard, but in the sun, the little lizard seemed to glow, the sun picking up the blue green tint of his hide. Like the sea, he thought, Siskin's blaze, usually invisible, glowing like malachite green. 

You two are the most beautiful creatures on all of Pern.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Without the normal beehive of activity in the weyr's bowl, he felt dwarfed by the basalt walls that formed it. Even the dragon ledges outside each weyr were empty. 

Had it not been for the sound of the ocean as a susurrating background, he would have heard his bootsteps echoing against the cliff side.   It accentuated how much noise there was when everyone was home, going about their daily lives. The weyr felt empty, abandoned, lonely.  Even the dining hall seemed cavernous with only a few people in it.

 Singing Waters Hold was feeding-and in the case of non dragon riders, housing, the crews working their fields, leaving the Weyr with only a relative handful of occupants. 

Lindea saw him as his was choosing his lunch.

"K'ndar! You look terrible! Do you hurt? Do you need something for your nose? I heard what B'rost did to you, what in the world got into him?"

"One at a time! I have no idea, but Raventh thinks he's jealous. Of me."  

"Hmm. Oscoral told us about it, I wasn't on shift yet. He said your nose was broken."

"It was, until Billek straightened it back out. That hurt worse than the punch, honestly. But he said it would be okay afterwards. Do I really look bad?"

She cocked her head, looking solely at his nose. My goodness, I'd never noticed before, but  you're a good looking man, she thought.

"Well, your nose is swollen, if nothing else, but looks straight. Didn't he give you something for the pain? I don't know a thing about broken noses." 

"What did he do, just grab it and pull?"

He laughed.

"It sure felt like it!  He did give me fellis but it was right before he straightened my nose. Only afterwards did it hit me after and boy, I've never felt so…..silly in my life. I thought I could fly, then I fell asleep."

Lindea laughed. "I've had it once. I know the feeling, on fellis, someone could hack your leg off with a wooden spoon and you'd laugh about it."

"That's it, you're right. But it made me feel sick at the same time. Not now, though, I'm starving. Can you sit and eat with me? I've not seen you in a while."

"There's hardly anyone here, I think I have the time. Let me get a tray and I'll join you."

They'd just finished eating when Siena, their Weyrwoman, entered the dining hall. She smiled at them and came over. "Good afternoon, Lindea, and I must compliment you on last night's shellfish stew…it was incredible."

Lindea blushed. "Thank you ma'am, but I had a good teacher when I lived on a ship. Our cookie was the best," she said, "That, and our cooks here at the weyr are outstanding," she added.

"They are, aren't they! I remember you saying you're ship folk. What ship was that? Did you say the Nocket?"

"Yes, ma'am, Nocket, was my dad's ship. Cookie was the best, once Dad retired, she went to work on my brother's ship, Arrow," Lindea said, a bit nervous in the presence of their Weyrwoman. 

"I grew up on Bright Star, and we thought our cook was the best. He's gone now, I wish I'd pinged him for some of his recipes before he died," she said, sighing. "I've experimented with some of his meals just from memory but it never seems to work out right," she said.

"Probably because he cooked for fifty, not just two," Lindea said, laughing.

Siena laughed, nodding her head. "That's so true!" 

She sobered. "If you don't mind, Lindea, I should like to speak with K'ndar alone, please?" she asked.

A request from one's Weyrwoman was seldom disobeyed. "I need to get back to work anyway, ma'am," Lindea said.

__________________________________________________________________________

Siena had questioned him closely before she told him of the meeting with B'rost.

"He knows I prefer to live alone, ma'am," he'd protested.  "If I'd wanted a weyrmate, she'd be here with me by now." 

"Yes. That is understood by all. I just wanted to get your side of the story before M'rvin decides on punishment for B'rost assaulting you," the Weyrwoman said. "It's only fair to have testimony from both sides. Do you want to be present when he hands down punishment?"

"Oh, shards, no. Ma'am, I'd be happy with just an apology. I'm satisfied that you sent him to do the work I was doing. I thought I was in good shape, but this morning I felt like I'd been trampled by a herd of steers. That sort of work, it's a killer for someone who's done nothing but ride a dragon for two years.  I don't know how the farmers do it all their lives! And men, well, we do stupid stuff like fight for no reason.  I don't want him punished, I just want him to say he's sorry and won't do it again," he said. 

"I understand your feelings, K'ndar, and an apology will be forthcoming. I want you to let me know when he does provide it. It had better be soon, too. 

But, K'ndar, still, he has to receive SOME sort of punitive action, to serve as a warning to others AND to keep the peace. Justice must be served, otherwise, people who are willing to commit crimes will do so with impunity. Look at the men who Lord Dorn had executed. They got away with murder for years. 

Believe me, people watch. The weyrlings, for instance, know all about the 'fight' this morning, and they are watching. Closely.   

One of the hardest part of being a leader is that sometimes you must punish people even when you know it was done, like B'rost's punch, out of immaturity and emotions rather than hatred or meanness. People won't trust you as a leader, if they know that the leader doesn't have the will to punish the wrong doer."

 K'ndar nodded, remembering how he'd marooned one of those men in the steppe, leaving him to certain death.

He'd fully agreed with the sentence, but felt bad solely because he'd been chosen to do the  marooning.

And since that time, there had been no crimes of that sort committed, as far as he knew, anywhere on their side of the continent. Word got around.

"Yes, ma'am, I agree. Especially with the Weyrlings. I know I watched when my classmates screwed up, and I learned not to repeat their actions. You're sure I won't have to be present for sentencing?"

"I'm sure, and I fully understand.  We intend on handing down punishment tonight, after his return from the hay fields. You don't want to let a man wait on a decision for days. If he's like me, if I had an arsewhipping coming-which I did, once, as a Weyrling-I want it right now so that I can suffer while the crime is still fresh in my mind, and then put it behind me," she said, smiling.

K'ndar laughed despite himself. "Ma'am, I cannot imagine you being anything but a Very Well Behaved Young Lady," he said.

She laughed, thinking of her beloved Mirth. "You have no idea, K'ndar. Girls don't get to be gold riders by being "well behaved". Golds, are, well, I don't know much about horses, but the horsefolk I know say golds are like mares, so I've taken one of their sayings and changed it to suit dragonriders:  "You order a brown or a blue, you ask a green or a bronze, you negotiate with a gold." 

Mirth laughed.

So did K'ndar. He'd heard it before,  repeated about geldings, stallions and mares, respectively, all his life. 

"Ma'am, I was riding before I could walk, and you are absolutely right about mares."

She got up to leave. "Billek will want to see you tomorrow. Afterwards, report to our office, if you can work, we need you."

"Yes , ma'am," he said, standing up in respect for her, "Honestly, I hope he does release me to work. I'm bored out of my mind doing nothing."

Chap. 136 B'rost's reasons

Chap. 136  B'rost at the Bench

M'rvin looked hard at B'rost. The blue rider had been crying, his face now puffy and red. His snuffling was the only sound. He'd immediately sat down on the office floor, refusing to meet M'rvin's eyes.

M'rvin had called D'nis, the survey team leader, to attend. D'nis came in, followed by Siena, the Weyrwoman. The dragonrider who'd frogmarched B'rost to the Weyrleader's office stood apart from B'rost, ready to grab him should need be. 

"Sir, this dragonrider, B'rost, punched another dragonrider, K'ndar, in the nose without provocation. Many people witnessed it, to include myself. Oscoral, the night baker, directed me to bring him to your office," he reported.

There was several moments of silence, all eyes on the blue rider.

M'rvin cleared his throat, hoping to encourage the young rider to start. But B'rost said nothing.

Fine.

"B'rost, stand up on your feet."

B'rost shook his head.

"B'rost, stand up. Look me in the eye. It will go hard on you if you refuse to cooperate," he said.

Was this kid-he was just barely 18-going to force him to escalate measures of discipline he didn't want to impose? What was going on?

B'rost scrambled to his feet but kept his face down.

"Look me in the eye, B'rost, and explain to me your actions of this morning, in the dining hall," he said. 

D'nis wondered what in the name of Pern was going on. This wasn't B'rost, not the one he knew. This one looked sullen, resentful and his tears unconvincing. They appeared to be more  from adrenaline draining, rather than emotion.

"I punched K'ndar in the nose."

"Why?"

B'rost suddenly looked heated.

"I hate him!"

What???

"You…hate K'ndar? Why?"

B'rost shook his head. "You won't listen and you won't understand."

Siena was watching closely.

There is something in his heart that hurts Mirth, her gold, said.

"Try us, eh? We were your age once. What can have caused you to suddenly hate your teammate, classmate, and, we thought, friend? Did he do something to you?" she asked.

D'nis added, "B'rost, let me remind you…dragons cannot lie. If you lie to us, our dragons will tell us," he said, his voice cold.

B'rost gulped and shook his head. 

"Everyone is so taken with K'ndar. He found the artifacts, he was being chased by Toric, he went and found that new animal. No one gives ME credit, no one pays attention to ME," he said.

"So-you're envious of K'ndar?" Siena asked, "Jealous?"

B'rost frowned. "I'm NOT JEALOUS. See, I knew you wouldn't understand," he said flinching at her perfectly targeted accusation. He WAS jealous.

"I can't imagine why you'd punch him without a reason, and jealousy was the first thing that struck me," the Weyrwoman said, "and now I think you are saying I'm wrong. So, I'm listening. Tell me what it is I'm not understanding."

B'rost struggled.

"It's…it's…well, I used to look up to him, like a big brother. But it's like I don't even exist to him," B'rost said, "He just doesn't seem to have time for me."

He is feeling rejected. Like a blue or brown dragon, when I am rising to mate, I don't want any dragon but Arcturuth, my bronze, to mate me Mirth, her gold dragon, queen of the weyr.

Ahh. That was it. 

You are right. 

Rath told me, too. Rath says he's been thinking about K'ndar for a long time.

Do Corvuth and Arcturuth know?

Now they do.

D'nis and M'rvin exchanged knowing glances, as their dragons filled them in. They nodded to Siena. B'rost didn't see it.

She shook her head. Bloody hormones. They screwed up so many things so often. Why humans insisted on being in heat all the time, it seemed, made no sense. How much easier life would be if we could regulate our hormones, set a breeding season,  like every other animal. 

I find it so strange that you humans mate anytime you want, even if you don't want to. It makes your brains crazy Mirth added. 

Siena had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. B'rost saw that.

"SEE!! Now you think it's funny, right?" he shouted at her.

"B'rost, at ease. You have no reason to shout. We are merely trying to learn why you did such a thing, when I've known you long enough to know that you aren't the brawling type," D'nis snapped. 

"I am not laughing at you, B'rost. I understand, now. My dragon told me how you are feeling. Rath told her," she said.

"And mine," D'nis and M'rvin said, in unison.

B'rost flushed. In a way, it made this meeting so much easier. But he felt…betrayed by his blue.

They asked me. I can't not tell them what you are feeling. I feel it when you do Rath said to him, it hurts me when you hurt. Raventh wants to know why you hit K'ndar, too.

"It's not just that. I know he's straight. But I can't…can't tell my heart that. It doesn't listen."

"So you punch him in the nose?" Siena said, knowing the way through this now.

"Well…yeah. To make him pay attention to me, make him….respect me, maybe then, he'll understand why …it hurts for him to ignore me."

M'rvin sighed. 

"Have you had an argument with K'ndar regarding this? Even mentioned it to him?"

"Oh, no, no. See, that's just it, I don't…it's like I'm crazy. K'ndar has never hurt me, never. He  even protected me when Jenmay was after me. She scared me, and I…I..well, I ..girls and women, I don't..understand. But this morning something just snapped in me. I'm so sore from cutting papergrass yesterday, all day, in the hot sun, I got a headache so bad, I didn't have anything to drink all day. The stuff cut my hands to ribbons because the 

Masterfarmer's staff didn't warn me that I should wear gloves. That and I kept getting the yellow powder from the  grass in my mouth, my nose was all stuffed up and I couldn't breathe through it. It tasted strange," he said, wiping his nose on his sleeve, "even now, it's all I can taste."

He snerked, a sound that was annoying to all of the adults.

Use a hanky, Siena thought, but she kept her opinion to herself.  

"You have considered, haven't you, that K'ndar…along with me and D'mitran, have been gone for several months, only managing to come home to our weyr once in a while, usually only enough time for an overnight in our own quarters, a refit and a decent shower, haven't you?

I hadn't even a chance to meet with M'rvin and Siena until two days ago, and right in the middle of harvest. We got one night to ourselves, then we're off on tasking. D'mitran, for instance, is on the other side of Singing Waters, harvesting nuts, after just one night or two with his wife and kids," D'nis said.

"Well, yes, I knew that. But he could have at least dropped by my weyr to say hello," B'rost said, beginning to feel defensive.

"Did you take the time to come visit him?"

"Well, noooooooo, I've been busy." 

"Those tunnels in the weyr go both ways, B'rost," M'rvin said, holding tightly to his patience.

 "Is that all of it?" he asked.

"Well, that, and the people at Landing, they treat me like a kid. Even after I worked so hard to get my skeleton recovered, that and the boulder, and no one is giving me any credit. It's K'ndar this. It's F'mart that. That was my skeleton and I got no credit for it."

Now he was aggrieved.

D'nis pounced.

"But, B'rost, I was there when it was found. You WEREN'T the first person to see it. D'mitran found it. Remember?"

B'rost's jaw dropped. "No, no," he stuttered.

"Yes," D'nis said, "I remember it clearly. You and K'ndar were wandering the strand, picking up rocks. You found a large boulder full of fossils. I was up on the edge of the treeline, taking readings, and D'mitran called us all when he found the skeleton.

Like all dragonriders, I have an excellent memory. Dragonriders have to have sharp memories, you know that. For you to forget that concerns me, B'rost. It's worrisome. To add to it, I have my data, D'mitran has his, K'ndar has his. D'mitran found the skeleton, not you."

He paused, gathering his argument. He had B'rost's attention,now, seeing the confusion in the teen's eyes.

"But D'mitran doesn't mind that you get credit because, you may not know this, but the Landing staff DO attribute the find to you. AND the boulder," he said, "and if I were to ask him, I'm betting D'mitran would say it doesn't matter WHO gets the credit, we were a team. A TEAM, B'rost, not the D'nis and D'mitran and B'rost and K'ndar steppe survey team. There is no "I" in team."

B'rost,gobsmacked, shied from admitting that D'nis was right. How had he made that mistake? It HAD been D'mitran. He'd forgotten that.

He felt sheepish, embarrassed and now only wanted to get out of the office. All feelings of resentment had fled.

"So, you see, B'rost, your anger is misplaced. K'ndar didn't have it coming. You owe him an apology," D'nis said.

The dragonrider behind B'rost, who'd taken it all in, said, "AND the woman who you shoved aside at the table. That was rude, and uncalled for," he said.

"You can't make somebody like you, B'rost." Siena added, "and I think you're casting K'ndar as the bad one when it's nothing of the sort. It's difficult, I know. I KNOW. I know how it feels when….when someone you have deep feelings for doesn't reciprocate. Or when someone you DON'T have a feeling for, still insists on shoving his way into your life.

When our female dragons rise to mate, us dragon women, green riders even more so than gold riders, sometimes find ourselves in a sexual situation with a man whom we abhor. It's not easy to deal with. I'm lucky," she said, looking sideways at M'rvin, her weyrmate, her eyes glowing with that look reserved just for him, "in that I love MY weyrmate. But there's a lot of women in Pern, not just dragonriders, who get 'stuck'-and I do mean stuck-with bedmates they don't particularly like. You are who YOU are, and K'ndar is who HE is. You can love someone without having to have a deep relationship with him."

"It works the other way, too," D'nis said, "I was utterly terrified that Corvuth would mate Jianath, Jenmay's gold. I think I'd sooner go between to my death rather than bed Jenmay," he said, shuddering at the thought.

I wouldn’t have tried too hard to catch her his bronze, Corvuth, said.

They all laughed, even B'rost.

D'nis thought of Danelle his weyrmate and Weyrwoman. I will never forget you, my love, never, he thought, his heart hurting all over again.

B'rost sighed.

"Okay. It's so hard to argue with my heart," he said.

They all nodded.

"In the meantime, B'rost, there is the matter of your assault on K'ndar in the dining hall."

The atmosphere turned chilly again.

B'rost stood up straight, this time, and looked M'rvin in the eye.

"Yes, sir."

"I will talk to K'ndar later today. He's asleep right now, after being given a dose of fellis by our healer, who had to reset the nose you broke."

"Billek said he should be out of it, soon enough, but he's restricted to quarters for the day," Siena said.

"Yes, sir."

"You've effectively taken a workman out of the day's schedule. K'ndar was working on the haying crew at Lord Dorn's Hold. For today, at least, I am assigning YOU to take his place on that crew. You will find it hard work. I suggest you wear work gloves and a bandana…and take some water with you. You may have heat exhaustion. In the meantime, I'll consider what punitive actions I should take against you," M'rvin continued.

B'rost gulped.

"Yes, sir." he said.

"Anything you want to add?" M'rvin said, relieved that this was over sooner than he'd expected.

"Sir, I want to say "I'm sorry" to K'ndar and Oscoral, and even you," he turned to the dragonman who'd brought him in. "I'm sorry," he said. The dragonman nodded.

"For the moment, apologizing to K'ndar will have to wait until tonight. He doesn't have much tolerance for fellis, it appears," M'rvin said.