Chap. 50 Turmoil

Chap. 50  Turmoil

"Sir, you can't blame yourself. It is none of your fault."

The Weyrleader turned reddened eyes to his Master Healer.

"If I'd not left her, left her alone, she'd still be here."

"Nay,sir," Billik said, shaking his head in denial. "She was asleep, finally. She wasn't alone, not for a moment.  The healer who was with her is so grief stricken she can't move. She blames herself, too. It was but a moment, just a brief moment, she turned her back in order to pour more water and Danelle was gone."

"I should have moved us down to the first level. I should have …have tied her to the bed."

The other reached forward, touching the man's shoulders.

"You didn't do that, it would have caused her more pain. And  Elenath wouldn't ever have fit. We put the biggest dragons in the top level precisely because they need that extra space when they launch from the weyr."

"Don't tell me how to lodge a dragon," D'nis snapped, and then immediately apologized. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. It's just…"

"D'nis," the Healer said, softly, "We're all on edge. We're all agonizing, just like you. Everyone is in tears, everyone is distraught. Don't think we healers aren't blaming ourselves, too,'' he said.

D'nis put his head in his hands.

"Do you think you'll be able to find out what killed her? I mean, other than the fall?"

"Unless you want us to do an autopsy, no.  And I would be lying if I said we had the skills to determine it. This was metabolic. All of it. The pain, the blurring of vision, headaches, the disorientation, the loss of balance, the hallucinations.  We'd not be able to find the cause of that. We couldn't have stopped that. I'm certain she got up to check on Elenath, maybe she was hallucinating, or got lost, yes, even in her own weyr, and went over the edge.  Or, it could have been utterly her decision to suicide. It was quick, if nothing else. Same with Elenath. I doubt either of them suffered. At least, they're not suffering anymore."

"No. But we are."

"Aye."

The dragons had finally quit keening. Everyone was numb with shock. It wasn't as if they'd not experienced the death of a dragon rider before, but this way was so…odd. And disastrous. Their queen dragon was gone, as well as their beloved Weyrwoman.

But everyone, too, knew that Danelle had been in pain for some time, as well as had her dragon. Elenath had insisted it was solely out of concern for Danelle. Even so, the dragon healers had remarked on changes in Elenath of which they'd never seen before and with which they had no experience. She'd lost weight for no reason that they could discern.

The first indication was when the dragons in the weyr shrieked in dismay. Elenath had launched and gone between-forever.

Then they found Danelle at the base of the cliff weyrs. She hadn't suffered.

B'rant and the wingleaders stopped at the entrance to D'nis's office, respectfully waiting for permission to enter.  The Healer looked up at them, and nodded.

"Sir, your wing staff is here.  Do you want me to stay with you? Would you like something to um….kill the pain?"

"Nay, Billik, thank you, but I learned a long time ago, drinking to drown one's problems merely forestalls them. Thank you, you needn't stay. Send in my staff."

The healer got up and edged past the wingleaders. They had red eyes. Too.

B'rant sat down across from D'nis.

"Sir, everything has been taken care of. Unless you say otherwise, we're having a memorial tonight."

D'nis raised his head. The sight of his staff, his wingleaders, wasn't comforting so much as it was steadying. He couldn't bear the thought of talking about losing his weyrmate, not this soon, but…the weyr needed it. The Weyr. HIS weyr.

He nodded his head.