Chap. 38 This changes everything

Chap 38 This changes everything.

There were times, K'ndar reflected, that he was so glad that he no longer lived at the cothold. Like now. His family was together in one of the meeting rooms in the vast weyr, talking through some difficult points.

It was undoubtedly the first time any of them had been able to have a conference without their glowering, iron fisted tyrant of a father dictating every moment. In fact, it was the first time in his life that he'd ever been in such a conference. Normally, his father said what was to happen and that was that. He brooked no argument, no discussion.

First on the agenda was Glyena. Her behavior at the barn had embarrassed them all. K'ndar related the second incident to Daryat and Fland. Glyena shrunk into herself, as if to make herself invisible.

He didn't soften it. She needed to remember, always. If she was going to make decisions like an adult, she had to accept the repercussions of one. 

The girl blushed. She was ashamed, something the adults took as an encouraging sign of maturity.  But then she looked them at them with her decision plain on her face.

"I apologized. I promised, K'ndar. I've learned my lesson. I know I'm only seven. But I hate Dad. Every night, when I go to bed, my stomach hurts because of him. It doesn't hurt here. I don't want to go back. I want to stay here," Glyena said, adamantly. 

Her mother wasn't surprised. "Where will you live?"

"I can stay with Kandar. K'ndar. I want to go to school. There are girls and boys here to play with. And K'ndar gave me Jordan, so I could do things with him to help the weyr. Like herd. I can herd."

But 7 year old girls could not just move on their own. She would have to be fostered. Was she ready for that? 

"I love you, Mum, with all my heart. But I want to be here, with K'ndar. I will work hard, whatever they ask me to do, just like I do at home."

"But Glyena," K'ndar said, "I won't be here all the time. I'm a dragonrider now. I will be gone. Often. In fact, I have to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to fight Thread. I don't know when I'll be back. 

There's no room in my weyr for two people.  I know you're responsible and hard-working, but you can't just stay here. You'll need someone to look after you," he said, wondering how to get out of this predicament. 

The girl dropped her head. "Oh. I could stay in the barn! I don't mind!"

Daryat looked on the girl with fondness-and distress. 

"Oh, Glyena, no one lives in a barn. I know why you don't want to go back.  Perhaps you could be fostered. I've talked to Hariko, the headwoman, about finding a foster parent for you. Do you know what fostering means?"

Glylena nodded, brightening. "Yes'm. It means living with someone who's not your mum. Some of the girls and boys here are fosters, too. It's just like being with you, Mum, except it's not really their mum. But they're still family."

She saw the twist in her mother's face.

"Mum! I would still love you. It's not like you would stop being my Mum. It would be like…like Kandar, here."

"And I love you, and I would miss you. I feel like I'm abandoning you."

"No, Mum, no!! It's not like that! It's what I want. It's not because of you, it's because of Dad."

"Glyena, I've worried for years about this very thing. You deserve a chance, and I need to get you away from Hanliss. 

If fostering didn't work out, you could still come home. But…you can't come home every time you don't like what you're told. That's not what fostering is. If you were to stay here, it would be different than like at home. First, you must understand that you would have to be just as obedient to a foster parent as you would with me. No sassing. No backtalking. No arguing. No treating drudges like they were stupid. It would mean doing what you're told even if you don't like the person telling you."

"Yes'm. I promised. Jordan heard it. The Masterherder heard it. Me and Kandar, we pinky sweared. And then I said I'm sorry to the drudge and we pinky sweared, too."

"Swore," Fland corrected, automatically.

"Swore."

"Take the time while we're here to think it through. You don't have to make a decision right away."

"Mum. I already have. I want to stay."

She looked at the girl, loving her, enough to release her.

"Okay. I agree. But it depends on finding a foster parent. If there's no one….

"Mum! There has to be someone!"

"We'll find out soon."

Next, Fland brought up the point that the Weyrlingmaster had been pointing out all year long.

"Now, let's discuss you, K'ndar." 

"Me?"

"Yes, and by extension, all dragonriders. Next year will be the last for Thread. After that, dragonriders need to be ready for a new way of life, finding new jobs. You, K'ndar, will need to learn a craft. Glyena, if you do stay here as a foster, which I think is the best thing for you, you will need to work hard for whomever takes you on. You will need to catch up with the rest of the kids in school. That means work, little girl. I know how you can work hard if you set your mind to it. You don't need to choose right now, because you're so young, but eventually, you will have to have a skill. Look at the cooks, the barnhands, even the drudges. They all have something productive to do. You can always have more than one skill, by the way! Like I've told Kandar his whole life, learn as much as you can about everything you can."

K'ndar nodded in agreement. "He's right, Glyena, and I've learned how to do so many things, even before I got here. It's why Mum insisted I learn how to cook. It's why the weyr teaches you to make your own harness. It's why we insisted you learn how to build a rock shelter, and how to treat someone for Thread score. The more you know, the better off you will be. It's why I'm reading books, as often as I can, even when I'm tired. The more someone knows, the better off they'll be."

"I can do it. I will do it."

The conversation lagged. Now or never, Daryat, she thought.

Gathering her courage, she said, "In the meantime, I want to let you all know that I intend to stay, too."

They all felt a shock run through them.

She forced herself to say what had been on her mind for days.

"I have had more than enough of Hanliss's abuse. We're not married. I want to stay here, too."

"Then I wouldn't need a foster, right?" Glyena said, brightening.

"Correct."

The men considered the implications. They weren’t hard to understand. 

"Hariko has talked to Danelle and said there is a spot for me here, should I want it."

She looked down at the table. Her eyes stung with incipient tears. 

"But I'm torn. There's a grandbaby on the way, and I'm afraid if I left him, Hanliss would start up on Arlita. Or worse, the child.  Mardriss won't let him get away with it, but he's not going to be there every moment, and Hanliss IS…." She wrung her hands.  If I stay, I'm the target, if I go, an innocent child and my daughter-in-law will bear the brunt. 

Despair flooded her soul. I deserve a chance, just like Glyena, she thought. I was just 16 when he 'partnered' with me, after his first woman left, smart, smart girl. Now I know why. I wonder what happened to her. 

Why, oh, why, is it always me who has to sacrifice.

They all were silent for moments, absorbing everything.

"I worry about you, Mum. I know you're stuck in the middle. I would love to have you here, that would mean Glyena wouldn't need a foster."

"Kandar, I mean K'ndar, I have had it. I am done. The only reason I'd go back to the cothold was because of Mardriss's family. I feel like Glyena. But I also feel as if I'm abandoning them." She shook her head, so torn between saving her own life and giving it up, again, for someone else. Again.

"Someone has to stand between Mard's wife and Hanliss. Just like with you kids. It's always been me. And Fland. In fact, Fland has always taken the brunt." She looked at her brother-in- law with an infinite sadness. 

Fland nodded, torn with his own thoughts.

K'ndar's heart broke. He'd never realized the extent of sacrifice his mother had made for all of them.

"I don't think it would be fair to Mard and Arlita to just not come back. They deserve a goodbye, if nothing else. It means I'll have to face Hanliss one last time, to tell him I'm leaving. I'd be lying if I said that doesn't frighten me," she said. 

Fland scowled. "I won't let him touch you again, Daryat."

"Thank you, Fland," she said. "But he doesn't have to touch one to hurt one."

"I'd be there, with Mardriss and Arlita. It's not like they'd be fighting Hanliss alone."

"But it would still be just you."

"Daryat," he said, gently, "It always has been me, in between him and everyone else. Even when we were kids." He thought, have I wasted my life?

"Then…then you don't mind?" she asked Fland.

Yes, Fland thought, I mind very much. Something turned in his heart, something he'd never, ever admitted, not even to himself. Oh, by the egg, he loved her, and always had. She had been the only thing keeping him in the cothold, and he was proud of himself that he'd never, ever made a move on her. Not once. If she weren't at the cothold, what was holding him there? But where would he go? Still..she deserved freedom.

"Please don't ask me that. Because I do," he said, softly. "But I also understand what motivates you, and were it not for you, and your kids,-and my leg so bad for so long-I'd have left a very long time ago. You deserve your freedom."

Somehow, she knew what it hadn't been just his bad leg that had kept him there all these years. She knew, too, in a visceral way, that his feelings for her were deeper than either of them dared admit. Both of them had carried themselves with integrity and honor, no matter how Hanliss had treated them.

She sighed. "We both do, Fland. I'm glad you stayed. For a hundred reasons, not just one."

She began to think of the logistics. 

"How to get back here, though? I'm not going to take a horse. I'm sure he'd come after me, even accuse me of stealing."

"No way on this Pern will I allow you to ride out alone. No." Fland stated, flatly.

"Mum. I can pick you up on Raventh. Anytime." K'ndar volunteered. 

"Oh, that's right! Somehow I keep forgetting there's a dragon in the family now!"

Everyone beamed at that. Dragons could be so convenient.

K'ndar began to plan. He'd have to ask C'val or D'mitran for the coordinates to the cothold, but that wouldn't be difficult. He might even get C'val to go with him.

Why? I can see your cothold in your mind. I could go there right now, if you wanted

Duh. Sometimes I can be so stupid

He was glad that Raventh was listening. He IS family, after all.

"I can take you and a trunk of things you want to bring with you. Maybe pack it earlier and then place it somewhere where Dad won't think to look."

Daryat felt humbled. "I'll do that. I know just where."

"What about you, Glyena? Are there things you want to bring here for you?

"Um…." she thought, "Some clothes. My leather working tools and skives. My wood horse, the one Uncle Fland carved for me when I was little. Other than that, I have Jordan. But tell my animals I love them."

"Mum, if you would, put my best rope in with the stuff," K'ndar asked.

"I will."

If his mother left his father, and lived here? It would be nice to have her here, where he knew she wasn't being abused. There were plenty of families at the weyr, plenty of women who'd left abusive situations. As long as one was willing to work for their keep, there was usually a spot to be found for them.  

"Are you sure, Mum?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

They all laughed.

"K'ndar, it didn't occur to me until I got here. But I've had a life time of hardship to want something better. I know exactly how Glyena feels."

She paused.

"All my babies are grown, now. I haven't been happy, K'ndar, not in a very long time."

"I know, Mum. I would love to have you here. Whatever you decide, I'll support."

"Me too!" Glyena said, and Fland nodded. 

Somehow he felt patriarchal, as if he was the deciding factor in what was really a democratic process. 

"But still, there's the actual problem of getting Daryat out of the cothold without interference," Fland said, "Hanliss isn't going to allow her to just ride away on a dragon. No matter who runs interference, there's going to be a battle."

All of them knew he was right. It wasn't going to be pretty, or easy.

K'ndar considered what it would be like to actually fight his father. He didn't want to fight, though he had no doubts that now, he'd easily beat Hanliss. But he knew his father too well. The man would never, ever negotiate, would never even try to change. He would hear the words and immediately go to his fists. K'ndar could easily envision the scene. As Fland said, a fight was  inevitable. It had always been inevitable. 

I'd enjoy it, he thought. What does that make me? Just like him? He's had a stroke, he's probably incapable of putting up a good fight. Is that fair? Fair! Dad thought nothing of beating Mum when she was pregnant with Glyena. He'd never been fair to anyone, not once. Shards, yes, I'd enjoy it. I'll finally get even for all the beatings I got. Finally hurt the man who'd hurt all of them his entire life. 

With sudden and intense clarity, he understood his father. 

He remembered the day C'val had Searched him, ready to take him to the Weyr.

 Hanliss had refused to release him. Because, he lied, "I love him," he'd said.  Love? Not once had he ever said a kind word to any of his family, not once had he ever said the word 'love'. But it was the only excuse he could come up with to try and prevent C'val from taking him. 

 He hadn't wanted to let me go because I was…useful. I was no more than an ox. A valuable and hard working animal that had learned to never resist or disobey. An animal. People to him are merely animals, to be whipped into obedience when needed, to be used hard and used up, without any right to living a life of their own direction. People are things to him. Just…things. Like a plow, or a harness.

To Dad, I was property. Just like Mum. Or Glyena. Or anyone.

There are two fire lizards here. A gold and a bronze. They are here to see me  Raventh said, interrupting his reverie.

Are they Lizard's fire lizards?

No. They seem to know who I am but I've never met them before

Before he could process this, a drudge entered the room. "Begging your pardon, K'ndar, sir, there's some visitors here, asking for you. They gave me a message to give to you." She handed a roll of hide to him.

Visitors? "Sir"? I'll never get used to being called 'sir'.

"For me?" he asked, perplexed. The girl nodded.  Feeling oddly superior, he said, "Would you please bring them here."

It has to be Lizard, he thought, as he unrolled the hide. But the girl had said visitorS. Plural.

The message said: From Mardriss to K'ndar.

Hanliss is dead, from another stroke. Lord Dorn's harpers have been informed.

I would be lying if I said we were mourning. We are all well, and happy. We need Mum, Glyena and Fland to come home soon, to sort things out. Congratulations on your graduation. I hope to see you someday.

He dropped the message from nerveless fingers. Fland picked it up, read it, and with an unreadable expression, passed it to Daryat.

"What does it say? What does it say?" Glyena begged. Daryat, dumbstruck, felt her soul fill with a surge of hope and joy. She handed it to the girl.

The girl read it. Twice. Then she began to laugh. Unable to contain herself, she got up and began to dance, so very inappropriate, but reflecting what they all wanted to do. Rejoice. 

Finally, you old bast, Fland thought, you finally did something right for the family.  

The drudge showed the visitors in.  A tall woman entered, looking shy, with a toddler on her hip. Her husband followed. Everyone stared at everyone else.

After several moments, Daryat broke the shocked silence.

"Sandriss."