Chap. 42 Second Thoughts

Chap. 42 Second Thoughts

It was time.

His family met in the dining hall, early in the morning. They wanted to get an early start on their trip back to the cothold. K'ndar was going to take Daryat back to the cothold on Raventh.

Glyena looked glum. She'd hardly touched her breakfast. Unusually quiet, she was second guessing her decision to stay at the weyr. Up until now, she'd convinced everyone, even herself, that this was what she wanted. 

But now, with the prospect of seeing everyone leave, she was having second thoughts.

The rest of the family carried on animated conversations, making final decisions and plans, but were still aware of her silence.

Lindea came up to them as they ate.

"Good morning, Daryat! Hello, Glyena! And Fland, I remember when you were here for Impression," she said.

K'ndar introduced her to Sandriss and his family. 

She sat down opposite Glyena. 

As they reminisced and talked, Lindea could see that something was weighing heavily on Glyena's mind and heart.

She reached out and patted the girl's hand, to draw her attention.

"I saw you win your race, Glyena. That was pretty impressive!"

"Thank you, it was fun," Glyena said, smiling but not convincingly. It was certainly different from her reactions at the race. 

Zeta, Lindea's gold fire lizard, flew into the hall and landed on Lindea's shoulder. She then wrapped herself about her neck. Nattana, Sandriss's toddler, absorbed in playing with her food , paused long enough to say "Daddy wizard" and then returned to her play.

"Lindea, my brother gave me a fire lizard egg!" K'ndar said, "It's pretty close to hatching!"

"Oh, good for you, K'ndar, I know you've been wanting one for a long time."

"I have…"

"So, you all appear as if you were ready to leave," she said, sipping on her klah.

"Yes, as soon as we finish this excellent breakfast, we'll head out. K'ndar is taking Daryat back to the hold on Raventh, but the rest of us are going overland.  Glyena is staying here as a foster," Sandriss said.

"That's going to be an adventure, eh, Glyena?" Lindea asked.

"Well…" Suddenly Glyena looked her age, that of a rather scared seven year old girl.

Lindea contemplated her for a long moment. She cast a glance at K'ndar that said, "play along". Then, half to Glyena, and half to the family, she said,

"Did K'ndar ever tell you about our first days here at the weyr?" 

Glyena shook her head. "Um…I remember you made some necklaces for me and Mum. I lost mine. Mum's is at home. But that's all I remember."

"Well, let me tell you what happened. As long as I could remember, I wanted to impress a dragon. And I wanted to be on my own. I was so happy when I was searched!  I couldn't wait to be a dragon rider! But when I got here, all of sudden, I didn't want it. My stomach hurt. I was scared. I didn't know anybody. It was all so strange, so different.  I thought no, I can't do this. I was what they called homesick. It means you miss your family. You miss your home. I missed my mum. I missed my brother and sister. I missed everything about home because it was familiar, and the weyr wasn't. Even as badly as I wanted to leave home and come here, when I did get here, I didn't want to be here." 

Everyone was entranced, listening, although aware she may be embellishing.

She looked Glyena in the eye as if it was just the two of them.

"Don't tell anyone, but…I cried like a baby at night. I didn't want anyone to hear so I would cover my head with a blanket and cry and cry. I thought, oh, I will never like it here, I want to go home."

Then I met K'ndar, and we were walking on the beach. I told him I was afraid, I suddenly didn't want to be impress a dragon, but I didn't want to go home because I thought everyone would think I was a baby. Or a failure. So you see how odd it was? I was homesick but I didn't want to go home.

And K'ndar said he was homesick, too, I think he even wanted to change his mind and go back, even when your dad was so mean." 

"Really, K'ndar? You wanted to come back?" Glyena looked at him. K'ndar played along. He HAD been homesick but an entire wing of dragons couldn't have dragged him back to his father. 

"I was homesick, Glyena, just like Lindea. But I didn't cry because someone's little sister gave me a drawing of me on a dragon and saying, "don't forget your promise Kandar." Do you remember that letter? I still have it. It's on the wall of my weyr. It helped me feel better about being away from home."

Lindea continued.

"So me and K'ndar, we got to be friends.  The weyrfolk, they put us to work, made us get busy, so busy that we forgot to be afraid, or homesick.  The best thing was, I KNEW someone. K'ndar was my friend, and I was his, and even as homesick as we were, we had SOMEONE to talk to.

Now you, miss Glyena, you are lucky, your big brother is here, although he's going to be gone, a lot. And I think I know that the horse you won on is your horse, right?"

The girl nodded. "His name is Jordan. He was K'ndar's but K'ndar gave him to me."

"So, you see, you have TWO family members here, K'ndar and Jordan. That's better than most of us had. 

I am sure you know that lots of kids here are fosters. They all went through the same thing. I promise you they were all homesick, too. Now they seem happy here, right? Because you know what, first you'll be unhappy then you'll be so busy you will forget. And one day, you'll wake up and realize you like it here."

Glyena nodded, not sure if she should believe Lindea or not. 

"I want you to know, that, even when K'ndar isn't here, you have another friend to talk to if you're scared, or lonely, or homesick. Do you know who that friend is?"

Glyena shook her head.

"Me. Anytime you want to, you can come and talk to me. You can even cry if you want, it's okay."

Glyena thought about it for a few moments. The family watched her, their hearts full of emotion.

"Thank you," Glyena said, and then, "Can I play with your fire lizard?"

"Well, fire lizards aren't friendly pets, like a dog or a cat. They're tiny dragons, and you know that most dragons just want to be with their rider. You can't force yourself on a fire lizard. Zeta has a mind of her own, though, so maybe someday she might want to play."

"Maybe you can be friends with Jordan," she offered.

"Do you want to hear something? I don't know how to ride a horse."

Glyena…and everyone else, was shocked.

"REALLY? I thought everyone knew how to ride horses," she said.

"Not me. I grew up on a ship. I'd never even come close to a horse until the day I spent cleaning stalls in the barn, with K'ndar. So I would love to have someone teach me to ride."

"I can do that! K'ndar trained Jordan and I ride him and he's so sweet and he won't hurt you, he knows when someone is a learner," she stopped for a breath.

"I think I would be afraid. He went so fast with you at the race. I'd be afraid if he ran that fast with me. Would he?"

"Oh, noooooooooo, nooo. He is the best teacher. He goes real slow if he knows you're afraid. Sometimes I fall off, and he just stands there and waits for me to get back on."

Daryat's heart melted at Lindea's kindness. Her worries were evaporating.

"So, what do you say, Glyena? Do you want me for another friend?"

Glyena smiled. "Yes, please!"